It is perhaps ironic that many people avoid life-long-commitment stuff thinking that if anything went wrong splitting up would be easier if they weren't married. In fact lawyers sometimes point out that perhaps best reason to get married is if you think you are going to split up!

It is probably a good idea to get some specialist advice from a solicitor if you are thinking about splitting up. He or she will tell you where you stand and help you work out your options. You may decide, after a first interview, that you can sort things out yourself, but at least you will do this knowing about your legal position. You should try to find a solicitor who has experience of dealing with problems of unmarried couples, as it is a difficult area of law.

Where can I find a good solicitor?
Solicitors are listed in 'Yellow Pages', but you will need one who specialises in family law. Libraries and citizens advice bureaux can be helpful, as well as people you know who have been to see a family law solicitor.

Resolution, formerly Solicitors Family Law Association, is an association of solicitors who specialise in family law, including solicitors who specialise in cohabitation (living together) matters.

The Law Society also has a Family Law Panel. Solicitors on this panel have to pass an exam and prove they have family law experience. The Law Society will give you names of solicitors on this panel in your area.

Mediation
Mediation is an alternative way of helping couples reach their own agreements about children and money. It can be particularly helpful if you are not married or in a registered civil partnership because law can be complicated and taking legal action is expensive.

A typical mediation service will offer you and your partner a series of meetings with one or two trained mediators. In these meetings you can talk about children and money and see whether you can reach any agreement. If you can, mediator will make a note of this agreement and you can each check it out with a solicitor.

Mediation can sometimes be paid for from public funds if you pass certain financial tests, but otherwise you have to pay. It will probably be cheaper, though, than asking a solicitor to negotiate a settlement. Mediation often results in a better relationship for you and your former partner, and this can be helpful for future, particularly if you have children. For more information about mediation, including how to find mediation services in your area, see Community Legal Service Direct leaflet 'Family Mediation'.

Do I need a solicitor as well as a mediator?
Mediators cannot give you advice on your own legal position, so you will probably need a solicitor to make sure agreement reached is best for you. It may be possible to turn some parts of your agreement into a court order, which means they can then be enforced through courts. Mediation services cannot do this for you, but a solicitor can.

Can I get help with legal costs if I can't afford them? If you qualify, you can have public funding to cover proceedings over money or children's issues (called 'Approved Family Help and Legal Representation'). You can also have public funding for mediation.