1. Avoiding Conflict Altogether:
some people just don’t say anything to their partner until they’re ready to explode, and then blurt it out in an angry, hurtful way rather than discussing building frustrations in a calm, respectful manner. This seems to be the less stressful route—avoiding an argument altogether—but usually causes more stress to both parties, as tensions rise, resentments fester, and a much bigger argument eventually results.

2. Being Defensive:
Defensive people steadfastly deny any wrong doing and work hard to avoid looking at the possibility that they could be contributing to a problem. Rather than addressing a partner’s complaints with an objective eye and willingness to understand the other person’s point of view. stress may be alleviated in a short run by denying responsibility but creates long-term problems when partners don’t feel listened to and unresolved conflicts and continue to grow.

3. Overgeneralizing:
When something happens that they don’t like, some blow it out of proportion by making sweeping generalizations.

Avoid sentences starting with “You always…” and “You never…”, as in, “You always come home late!” or “You never do what I want to do!” Stop and think about whether or not this is really true. Also, don’t bring up past conflicts to throw the discussion off-topic and stir up more negativity. This keeps you from solving things and conflict gets perpetuated.

4. Being Right:
It’s damaging to decide that your way of seeing things is right. Don’t expect that your partner see things the same way, and don’t take it as a personal attack if they have a different opinion. Look for a compromise or agreeing to disagree, and remember that there’s not always a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’, and that two points of view can both be valid.

People sometimes decide that they ‘know’ what their partners are thinking and feeling based only on faulty interpretations of their actions—and always assume it’s negative! instead of asking about their partner’s thoughts and feelings.

6 Forgetting to Listen:
Instead of truly listening and attempting to understand their partner, few People interrupt, roll their eyes, and rehearse what they’re going to say next. This obstructs you from seeing their point of view, and keeps your partner from wanting to see yours! The importance of really listening and empathizing with the other person! should not be underestimated.

7. Playing the Blame Game:
conflict is handled by few people by criticisin and blaming the other person for the situation. They see admitting any weakness on their own part as a weakening of their credibility, and avoid it at all costs, and even try to shame them for being ‘at fault’. Confloct should be viewed as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both.

8. Trying to ‘Win’ The Argument:
I love it when Dr. Phil says that if people are focused on ‘winning’ the argument, “the relationship loses”! The point of a relationship discussion should be mutual understanding and coming to an agreement or resolution that respects everyone’s needs. If you’re making a case for how wrong the other person is, discounting their feelings, and staying stuck in your point of view, your focused in the wrong direction!

9. Making Character Attacks:
Sometimes people take any negative action from a partner and blow it up into a personality flaw. (For example, if a husband leaves his socks lying around, looking it as a character flaw and label him ‘inconsiderate and lazy’, or, if a woman wants to discuss a problem with the relationship, labeling her ‘needy’, ‘controlling’ or ‘too demanding’.). A negative perception is created on both the sides. Even if you don’t like the behavior remember to respect the person.

10. Stonewalling:
sometimes people defensively stonewall, or refuse to talk or listen to their partner when one partner is willing to discuss troubling issues in the relationship. This shows disrespect and, in certain situations, even contempt, while at the same time letting the underlying conflict grow. Nothing is solved by stonewalling and creates hard feelings and damages relationship. In a respectful manner discuss and listen to your partner.